Skrillex

 Dear Skrillex,

Fuuuuuck you. I don't know why, but you just really kind of anger me. Maybe it's your stupid haircut, I don't know. I mean you gotta admit, you do kinda look like Teddy Duchamp, from the 1986 movie Stand By Me, but with long, stringy, greasy hair, that's shaved on the sides... really... why shaved?! Ok, this is really getting mean, and from what I understand, it may be very easy to make you cry... So I will stop. I do have more to say though...

I've listened to your stuff, and to me, it's just horrible. Maybe I'm old now and don't understand it, I don't know. I don't think that's really it though. See, I have great taste in music... all us self-proclaimed music elitists do... it just so happens that it's very true in my case. So, I'll come clean. I didn't know much about you so I looked at your wikipedia page. I had no idea that you were a lead vocal in a band BEFORE you became Skrillex. I caught myself thinking, "Maybe he's not all bad." Then I listened to the band and hated my ears for hearing it. "Nope! Hating Skrillex back on!"

And your real name is Sonny John Moore?! Why would you ever change THAT name to Skrillex? And why Skrillex? Why not say... anything but Skrillex. Ok, maybe your birth name wouldn't work in the styles of music you work in, but you'd have it sewn up if you were a blues man. Or a bag man... at the grocery store... BURN!

Ok, I have to say that given your back-story I've read, it sounds like you had a kind of messed up, if not just straight up complicated young years. So for getting through that, I salute you. And truth be told, there are parts of your songs that I'm all, "That's awesome!" but then you fuck it up and I'm again all, "Hating Skrillex back on!"

For some reason I just can't ever get over it. I'm really sorry, but I really just despise everything about what you call music. Maybe talk to Jack White and I may reconsider... MAY reconsider. But... I believe you will probably always be one of my musical nemeses. Thanks for that, at least.

Later, Duchamp...

Always, with love, I remain,
Ken  

Skrillex's crap can be found on Amazon.com, iTunes.com, and I'm sure at the toilet store...